Writing to an idea, not a person.

I wanted to write something about my writing to SB. Having read his writing and thinking he was pretty great I actually met him after just having published issue #1 of The National Grid. It was a bit scary. I thought he'd just think we were ripping off DDD, but he didn't and he even said he liked our name more than theirs. SB and PB were a big help to TNG when we were getting started, they helped us gain an international audience, and also wrote letters of support for our funding applications.

Anyway, having met SB I began writing to him under the guise of my Masters... I'd been interested specifically in his comments about Wyndham Lewis and the idea of 'the enemy'. I wrote SB quite a few quite long emails, and he replied. Not as often, but often at length. I was always very excited by his emails. partly I suppose simply because SB was writing to me.

Eventually it happened that I was returning to America for work related stuff and so I organised to visit SB. He offered that I might stay with him for the couple of nights I'd be in LA, and I took him up on this offer. To cut a long post short I'll just say it was a bit weird. My visit I mean. Maybe it was jet-lag? Maybe I was nervous? I don't know why exactly, but the visit felt a bit 'forced'. I'm sure SB felt this too. I was afraid that SB and his girlfriend found me boring. Don't get me wrong, it was a great visit and I still hold SB in very high regard, but something changed after that visit. I haven't written to him so much since, and he hasn't written to me much either.

Until today. I just wrote to him more sort of properly again now. I think it was about 3 years ago that I visited, and I think I've realised now that I liked writing to the idea of SB. By which I guess I mean 'what I thought SB was'. It's funny writing to him since the visit, because I'm very aware of actually how he is now. I suppose I miss that kind of writing to an imaginary friend... writing to an idea, and not a real person. I know that sounds fucked up, but it worked quite well as a sort of editorial strategy for me.